Sundays are for makeovers.

Choose your words carefully when being interviewed by the crew of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Those maniacs will take a comment made in passing and run it into the ground with the same jackhammer enthusiasm Ty Pennington brings to date rape. Do you really like Stomp that much? Before you know it you're stuck with a novelty bedroom which bears an uncanny resemblance to the tenement you've been trying to escape your entire life. And your Mom still can't walk.

On surviving the holidays

1. Partake of the festivities, but never forget to maintain a healthy sense of detachment. Picture yourself perched high atop your ivy throne, shrouded in mist as thick as the air of mystery about you. The office potluck is yours.

2. Between sips of nog, grasp your throat tightly lest you speak the truth.

3. Update your wardrobe with no less than 2 pieces which handily mask your holiday weight gain.4. Should one of your fellow revelers over-indulge, clear the area and hold your lantern aloft until assistance arrives.

5. Never fail to stage an impressive exit.

Poor Laurie. Scared another one away.

 After an evening of being stalked by your homicidal, knife-wielding brother who has systematically butchered all of your friends, it might be tempting to assume that things couldn't possibly get any worse. Not so fast. At the very moment you allow yourself to breathe a sigh of relief, your date for the Homecoming dance is most likely stepping off a curb only to be blind-sided by a police cruiser, pinned against a van, and engulfed in flames. Let's not kid each other; this whole thing was your fault.