On surviving the holidays

1. Partake of the festivities, but never forget to maintain a healthy sense of detachment. Picture yourself perched high atop your ivy throne, shrouded in mist as thick as the air of mystery about you. The office potluck is yours.

2. Between sips of nog, grasp your throat tightly lest you speak the truth.

3. Update your wardrobe with no less than 2 pieces which handily mask your holiday weight gain.4. Should one of your fellow revelers over-indulge, clear the area and hold your lantern aloft until assistance arrives.

5. Never fail to stage an impressive exit.