This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof.

As the first week of the new year draws to a close, let’s take a moment to examine how things are progressing. Have you been exercising regularly? Taking your daily remedies? Washing your teeth after meals? Brushing your hair with 100 strokes before bedtime? Wonderful! If you keep this up there’s no telling just how far you’ll go. Rest assured that you are always in my thoughts, and this year I wish you confidence, perseverance, and much success! To that end, I would like to suggest an exercise in creative visualization.

Close your eyes now, take a deep breath, and imagine what it would be like to walk through life as a Palmer Girl. Your expressionless face and empty stare indicate only detachment and a vague sense of ennui, but your lithe frame speaks of an unbridled sexuality which is just out of reach. You dodge verbal barbs with an expertly timed shoulder bob. Misfortune is rendered powerless by a deliciously naughty hip sway. Claim your power. You smite your enemies with a stiletto heel. Cinch your red patent leather belt as tightly as your resolve, and step boldly forward. You are in fact simply irresistible.

Did you feel that? Ah yes, a small but powerful shift within. You are well on your way.