The Ballad of Mel & Kim

Canadian songstress and master manipulator Sarah McLachlan has managed to warble her way into a fortune by using her refrigerator magnet poetry kit to pen 5 songs every 10 years. 5 songs which she then slaps down alongside evergreen track "Full of Grace" before cutting a check for Pierre Marchand and declaring her new work complete. Did you hear that? Ah yes, the sound of McLachlan starting up the engine of the Lilith Fair gravy train for a new jaunt around the globe in 2010.

It has no doubt occurred to McLachlan that public interest may have waned over the course of the 8 years since she last released an album, and thus she has started to explore new opportunties for continuing to build her mid-tempo empire. Between episodes of "Project Runway" and "Drop Dead Diva", you may have found yourself mesmerized by the image of McLachlan perched on a chaise lounge while directing her dewy stare directly into your soul. Before you can change the channel, she hits start on a PowerPoint presentation featuring one-eyed dogs and feral cats being pulled from dumpsters. Your initial thought is that you should probably donate to the ASPCA, but then your attention shifts to "Angel" playing in the background, a song you haven't heard since the summer of 1997 when you totally thought you and your friend Lisa might be lesbians. Why isn't "Angel" on your iPod? Bam, there you are on iTunes depositing another cut directly into Sarah McLachlan's purse. What was she saying about cats? Who cares, you're in the arms of the angel!

Now that we're all a little bit wiser, the next time you find yourself being lured to iTunes on the verge of making an ill-advised purchase, I would like you to consider donating to a much more worthy cause: the obscure 80s artist. Believe me, these pop stars of yester-year need your money more than female singer-songwriters and three-legged dogs. If you're at a loss for deserving recipients, do the right thing and bump Mel & Kim to the top of your short list. If you never hopped on your Pogo Ball while listening to "Showing Out" and have no recollection of Mel and/or Kim, the first line of their Wikipedia entry tells you everything you need to know.

"Mel and Kim were a British pop duo, comprising sisters Melanie and Kim Appleby. They achieved success between 1986 and 1988 before Melanie succumbed to terminal illness."

For one brief, shining moment, Mel and Kim were living the dream. The sisters Appleby could strut into any Contempo Casuals and declare, "We'll take it ALL!" Take it all, and wear it all at the same time. Now Mel is gone, and Kim no doubt feels her sister side-stepping alongside her like phantom pains from an amputated limb whenever she performs "Showing Out" at a county fair. I like to imagine that whenever somebody downloads a hot Mel and Kim jam, 3 days later Kim herself opens her mailbox to discover a quarter taped to an index card with the note "Paid in full" scrawled in red crayon. She deserves it. They all deserve it.