Blind Sided.

Oh, Sandy! We cannot deny the fact that 2009 was your year. Out of nowhere, a perfect storm began to brew on the horizon of your flagging career, and before you knew it you were dancing in a torrential downpour of box office dollars and award nominations. Now close your mouth and quit gawking at the sky. You know what happens to turkeys who wander out into the rain, don't you? They say turkeys are so fascinated by what they see that they will continue to look straight up at the sky with their mouths open until they drown. They drown, Sandy. OK, OK, shhh. Don't get scared. No, that's not actually true, and no I'm not saying your intelligence is on par with that of a turkey. I just don't want you to end up with an Oscar lodged in your mouth! Let's face it, the chances of that happening are looking pretty good. Now go dust off your mantel, this next part doesn't concern you.

I'll dispense with any tedious protests over the fact that Sandra Bullock managed to garner an Oscar nomination with her performance in "The Blind Side". However, in my opinion there was one unforgivable snub in the Best Actress category which simply cannot be overlooked. Isabelle Fuhrman, star of new-classic "Orphan", was robbed.

Young Ms. Fuhrman truly wowed me with her turn as a 35-year-old Russian dwarf masquerading as a 9-year-old orphan named Esther. I highly doubt Sandra Bullock has the acting chops to offer a cinematic moment more gratifying than when Esther scrubs off her pancake makeup with a steel wool brush and rips out her pageant dentures to reveal the haggy stubs beneath. Although she had me going for a second in the "The Proposal" with her perfomance as a 45-year-old actress pretending to be a 25-year-old career woman. But back to Isabelle Fuhrman. She paints! She uses sign language! She whispers threats in a thick accent as intoxicating as authentic Russian vodka. When Esther breaks her own arm in a last ditch effort to drive a wedge between the troubled Colemans, she earns her place alongside Damien ("The Omen"), Rhoda ("The Bad Seed"), and all those insane little bastards who tormented Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Kindergarten Cop". The only criticism I can offer is that she could have gone all the way by donning a merkin and giving us the shocking full frontal shower reveal we were all waiting for, but that's easily overlooked when I remember the sheer zeal with which she hammered a defenseless nun to death.

Isabelle Fuhrman, for my money you were truly the best actress of 2009. Well done, you crazy Russian bitch. Well done.